It’s unfortunately been over a year that we have posted anything on this blog. I can’t say that this will be the actual beginning of any true blogging but here’s to another post even if its one for the next year (lets hope not:)) just because its on our heart.
Most of you know that we are expecting two precious little boys sometime VERY soon. As the time gets closer, our hearts deeply wonder with curiosity and our conversations express much wrestling as to what our life is possibly going to look like raising two children the exact same age. Most days it’s too big to wrap our minds around but really even more the excitement grows stronger as the ambiguity gets worse. :)
I meditate this morning journaling and reading, still in awe of the responsibility Father Is intrusting us with and even more in awe that He has chosen US. We have the responsibility to raise His son’s in this broken world; to be His unconditional love, His wisdom, His guidance, His patience and His faithfulness to these two beings. A huge part of this brings fear in knowing that He has asked us to have sole responsibility in being the Image of Himself to these boys and we are broken individuals and sinners who cant figure it out most days, but the other part of us thrives in excitement and honor to be challenged even further in our personal walks with Him, trusting that He will use our lives for His glory.
Four years ago I remember picking up our first puppy together (we are fully aware that raising children and raising puppies are very different :)). Even though there are huge differences here than in our situation to come, I distinctly remember God using this moment in my life and heart in a step toward becoming a mother. The drive to pick her up was so exciting. We had known for several weeks at this point that she was ours and that we would pick her up when she was exactly eight weeks old. We daydreamed about it the whole way there since we had to drive two hours to get her. We laughed, joked and couldn’t wait to meet her! We got there and she was outside following her owner at the time around the yard. We walked up and started talking sweet to her. She hid behind him extremely scared of these strangers that were talking puppy talk to her. He picked her up and handed her to me. I remember her shaking, she didn’t trust at all that I was her mom and that I would be taking care of her the rest of her life. We walked to the car and got in. I remember holding her so tight trying to comfort her. Suddenly all the excitement we had felt turned to fear wondering if we actually knew how to take care of her. How would we know what she needed? How do we make her trust us? How would be know if she was hungry or sick? Were we ready for this? We made a pit stop at Petsmart to pick up some stuff before heading back home. I remember carrying her in the store. Because she was so adorable everyone stopped to talk to us and pet her. She was shaking, but instead of being scared of who we were, she wrapped her precious little paws around my neck and clung tight knowing that I was her protector now and that I wouldn’t let these strangers hurt her. That moment may have changed my heart forever.
I anticipate driving away from the hospital we will feel even more anxiety about being turned loose in to the world as parents for the first time to not only one but two little human hearts. Even more though, I cant imagine how much we will be in love with our little loves and the excitement of a new journey in our lives beginning once again. We know that there will be days that parenthood will seem to be the hardest thing in the world. We know there will be days that we cant answer their questions or figure out what is wrong with them. But more than the struggle, we anticipate the overwhelming joy in having the responsibility to raise these boys in to men for the sake of the kingdom. We thank Father every day for choosing us for the task and we trust that He will guide the way… we cant wait to have them in our arms!!